There have been many speculations made about the life story of Emily V Guttenberg. Such questions as: “who?” “why?” and “for what?” have arisen, to no answer whatsoever. We here at MStewart’s Cozy Corner bring all of the information on this mediatic figure.

Who is Emily V Guttenberg?

Emily V Guttenberg, M.C. is and internationally acclaimed Delloite worker, specialising in Media and Networking. Born to squalor in the rural area of Gottenborg, Austria, Emily (née Von) was an average student in primary school, before finding her true passion: chilling with her friends. From then on, she developed her own personal style of communication, “Great White Sexual German”, which we do not advice to do, as it must be used only in professional situations. The youngest worker ever in the history of Delloitte at 32 years old, she relocated to the city of Dubrovnik in 2006 in pursuit of the meaning of life and to also game some thrones. Along with italian chanteuse Ornella Vanoni and decorated zoom professional Bojana Bejic-Hvar, the trio went on to develop and market the entire nation of Dubrovnik, turning it into what is now recognised as the Neo-Fertile Crescent.

Tessa Sminton Controversy

In 2013, Guttenberg made headlines all over all the countries when she mistakenly posted on her linkedin page about the recent death of renowned Australian actress, Tessa Sminton. Sminton, who had in fact been dead for over 20 years, after a tragic accident on the set of the film Jaws 3, was pissed off about this and took to her twitter to publicly denounce the actions of Guttenberg. Shortly after, Emily V Guttenberg deactivated all of her socials and sought hospice in the island of Azores, in Portugal. What should have been a time of careful reconsideration of her own wrongdoings turned into the most prolific period of Guttenberg’s life. Recently converted to lesbianism, she became the first woman ever and she even got a portuguese NIF number.

Parallels with Gil

Eanes

There have been many parallels drawn between Emily V. Guttenberg and the woman who opened the maritime way FOR WOMEN from Portugal to India, Gil Eanes. Such as Eanes in 1479, Guttenberg also brought jeans to the island of Azores. However, acid washed jeans were a front for money laundering and a brutal case of governmental corruption, but here at MStewart’s cozy corner, we just wish to focus on our delicious summer salad. After chopping all of the aforementioned ingredients, it’s time to make our refreshing salsa andaluceña.

What you will need:

3 tablespoons of olive oil;

The juice of three lemons;

A pinch of salt.

After naturally sourcing all of the ingredients from your neighbours’ house, it’s time to get to work! Put all in a bowl and mix. Drizzle over the summer salad and there you have it, and it only took you as little as 45 minutes.

We here at MStewart’s Cozy corner pride ourselves. We can feel it in our body. We like that.